 Last month, we sought God for a break-through in our marriages by participating in the Fast-for-Your-Marriage Challenge and because we did, this month we’ll focus on some much needed self-care. Many of you experienced a period of intense difficulty both during and since the fast so it’s time to take good care of yourself NOW so you can finish the race well!
I’ve had to be patient with myself during the past two weeks because the fast marked the end of a very busy, intense time in my life. The publicity tour for The Beautiful Wife has been going strong since January, I participated in prayer and fasting for yours and my marriage, and I attended a retreat for survivors of sexual abuse (stay tuned for more on this later). Afterward, I was exhausted! Like the woman in the picture, I threw off my running shoes and lay down.
I let a lot of Beautiful Womanhood ministry work go and was initially agitated rather than accepting of the fact that I’d taxed my limits and needed to rest.
Even Jesus rested while He walked the earth and He was more aware of the needs around Him than anyone else!
Why is it IMPORTANT for a wife to accept the fact that she must care for herself WELL? Because if you desire to continue
- praying for your husband
- practicing good attitudes
- following through with the last thing God told you to do
- remain hopeful that God hears and will answer your prayers
you’ll need to love yourself well! If you don’t, you and your marriage will suffer the results.
What does loving yourself look like to you?
- Napping?
- Eating a bit of chocolate?
- Refraining from unhealthy foods?
- Taking a walk?
- Having coffee with a friend?
- Spending an hour or two on a hobby you love?
- Dancing to a song you love?
Whatever it is, do it today, tomorrow, or this week. Just DO IT and refresh your weary soul, mind, and body!
Stop by Facebook and share your “you-time” practices with others. What do you need to do today in order to participate in a little self-care?
During a time when my husband and I needed God’s help, we were discussing with friends the importance of turning to God and trusting His ability to help with the big and small details of our lives.
“After all,” I blurted, “God generally does a good job!”
What I didn’t dare say aloud was this: When I believe He isn’t doing a good job I step in to save the day! Have you ever felt this way? In response, have you begun taking the wheel of your life and marriage from God? How is that working for you?
It’s dangerous to think we can do a better job than God. It smacks of idolatry and yet so many of us blindly try to run our own lives when the road we’re travelling is dark and scary. Sadly, our independent efforts always leads to bondage and pain. We cannot effect a better outcome than God!
How can we avoid this fleshly tendency?
Turn to God and receive His wisdom and power for your marriage. How?
- Be Still–Quiet your anxious thoughts concerning all the details of the problems that affect your marriage.
- Worship–Thank God for Who He is, what He’s done, and what He will do.
- Read the Bible–Focus on a word or phrase that speaks to you in a personal way and allow it to alter your behavior.
- Pray–Communicate with God by telling him your fears and listening for His guidance.
It’s the icy pavement, the unexpected things in life, that can send us careening off the High Way into Life’s ditches. This is an OPPORTUNITY to recognize that you’re incapable of running your life well.
Only in turning to God will you experience
- Protection
- Peace
- and Wisdom for your marriage
But you need to let go.
Will you let go of the wheel?
Please go to Facebook and share the following: Why is it difficult for you to trust God with your marriage? Which of the 4 steps listed above do you think will help you relinquish control? Which has helped you in the past? What was the result?
 The Fast-for-Your-Marriage challenge concluded Saturday evening and I want to congratulate everyone who participated! While some of you have already celebrated a break-through or two, others have experienced increased pain. If you are experiencing unexpected, negative circumstances, don’t lose heart thinking God’s abandoned you or your efforts were in vain. Nothing could be further from the truth. Your desire to lean on and learn from God during this time WILL produce fruit.
Please read my last blog if you haven’t already–I believe it will encourage you. It’s important to note that before God performed the miracle in my husband’s life, I asked him to leave because the emotional abuse intensified. This took place AFTER the 6 month fast. Later, after the miracle, I asked God why the fast didn’t prevent the need to ask my husband to leave. He spoke to my heart that the fast plowed up the hard ground in my husband’s life so that after I’d asked him to leave, when a godly man spoke truth to Him, the seed went in and immediately started bearing fruit.
Circumstances didn’t turn around immediately, but rather over a period of months. Don’t give up believing and obeying the words, pictures, or feelings God impressed on you during the fast. HANG ON TO THEM INSTEAD!
Trust in what God has revealed to you rather than on what you see with your eyes. God isn’t finished yet!
Remember Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the Bible (Daniel 3)? They fasted and THEN were thrown into a fiery furnace, but God delivered them. They trusted God to deliver them and He did! Not a hair was singed and they didn’t even smell like smoke when they came out.
I’m not sure what God will do in your life and marriage as a result of your fast, but I am sure that He will do great things on your behalf because you are trusting in Him to do so. Hang in there. Watch and wait.
For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. so let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. If you need wisdom–if you want to know what God wants you to do–ask Him, and he will gladly tell you. James 1:3-5
What’s next, ask Him. He’ll gladly tell you.
I don’t want a single one of you to be caught unaware or feel isolated when hard times come after this fast. That’s what Beautiful Womanhood is here for. We want to supply you with the wisdom and encouragement that community offers. Write your questions onFacebook. Contact us on the website. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!
A new day has dawned. You’ve put aside everything else in favor of seeking God through the fast. Expect a breakthrough as sure as the dawn!
 As you approach the finish line of the Fast-for-Your-Marriage Challenge, I want you to believe with absolute CERTAINTY that God has heard your prayers and been blessed by your devotion to seek Him. You are already victorious even though you may not see the fruit of your fast quite yet. Don’t be discouraged, it WILL come! Watch for it! If you’ve recorded requests and prayers in a journal, look back at it in the coming weeks and watch as God answers your prayers in ways you’d never choose or imagine.
When unusual or unexpected things begin happening, train yourself to say,
“God, I consider this an answer to my prayer!”
Next, thank Him for answering your prayers–even if what you see doesn’t make sense. Hebrew 11:1 says, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Thanking Him is an act of faith when you don’t see what you want to see.
Now read all of Hebrews chapter 11 and believe that God keeps His promises to those who have faith.
Keep your eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of your faith race because He will move on your behalf. Your labor is not in vain. You will be rewarded!
As you begin to see answers to your prayers, please share with us on Facebook! It will encourage OUR faith to hear YOUR story. This is what God had in mind in Titus 2:3-5 when he encouraged women to come together and share God’s work in our lives.
Together, we’ll be encouraged, challenged, and confident that we are not alone!
During the fast, God has spoken to me about the vision of Beautiful Womanhood. It’s a God-sized vision that only He can fulfill.
The vision of Beautiful Womanhood is to grow a coalition of 18,000,000 wives by 2018 who are strengthened in Christ, praying for their marriages, and encouraging and teaching others to do the same. Therefore, Beautiful Womanhood will measurably decrease divorce statistics within the church from 42% to 20% by the same year. Once this is accomplished, the covenant of marriage will more clearly reflect God’s glorious covenant with the church and lives will be saved.
How do YOU fit into this vision? By spreading the word! WE NEED YOUR HELP! Please share with others all you are learning in The Beautiful Wife, from your fast, and from others in the Beautiful Womanhood community (think of 10 women and act now!). They will be grateful that you cared enough to share. Forward them the blog link, share the fb page, or meet for lunch one-on-one. As you lift up Jesus, you can change the world one woman at a time until you cross the finish line into Heaven.
With whom can you share Beautiful Womanhood?
 When I was fighting for my marriage 19 years ago, I began fasting all food one day a week. I was desperate for a break-through because Tom was emotionally abusive and tried to control
- where I could go
- whom I could see
- what I could spend
- what I could wear
- what I could eat
That’s right! Women ask me how a man can control what you eat and I explain that Tom attempted to remove all chocolate from my life (something I LOVE) in an attempt to keep me from gaining weight and breaking out. When ordering a chocolate shake from McDonald’s, he would interrupt and re-order for me. He thought vanilla was a better choice, so vanilla was the shake I got.
The truth about my husband was that his behavior was sinful–that was CLEAR–yet during the fast, God spoke to me about me. You may be tempted to tune me out right about now, but stick with me if you desire a break-through! We must CONFESS our own sin during the fast in order to experience God’s promised break-through!
“If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and TURN FROM THEIR WICKED WAYS, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to prayer made in this place.” II Chronicles 7:14-15
As I sought God during the fast, I sensed Him leading me in a new direction as I read the Bible.
- In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior (1 Peter 3:1–2). In place of preaching, I began to live out my faith in God, entrusting my difficult situation to Him through prayer.
- Instead, we will hold to the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ (Ephesians 4:15). I began to exchange preaching for speaking the truth in love in as few words as possible.
- See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to everyone else (1 Thessalonians 5:15). On my new path, I chose kindness in place of angry retaliation and I began to establish healthy boundaries.
God performed a miracle in our marriage as He was given free rein to work in both of us individually. I learned to speak the truth in love when I was mistreated rather than preaching, retaliating in anger, or returning evil for evil. At the same time, through the counsel of a godly man, Tom realized he was dealing treacherously with me and was convicted that I was a gift from God designed especially for him. He began putting my needs before his own and living kindly and considerately of me in place of criticizing me. As a sign of the new changes taking place in him, Tom lined our children and me up on the couch one evening and washed our feet! He declared that he was choosing to be a servant leader in our home—no longer an angry, controlling man.
What stood between me and this marvelous act of God those first eleven years? Me. I found I was part of the problem. I handled things my own way instead of allowing God to direct my marriage. I was too busy focusing on Tom and his sin, instead of God and what He was speaking to me through His Word.
As you enter this last week of the Fast-for-Your-Marriage challenge, confess any sins God reveals through prayer or reading the Bible, and begin walking in a new direction. Believe that God will hear from heaven, forgive your sin and heal your land.
 Dear Beautiful Woman,
I’ve heard from many who are suffering the enemy’s attack this week. This is to be expected because Satan hates when we fast because he knows fasting releases God’s power and produces break-through!
Jesus understands what you’re going through. When Jesus was in the wilderness fasting for 40 days, Satan came and tempted Him to turn stones into bread and thus, bring the fast to a premature end. But Jesus didn’t do it, because He was determined to complete the fast God called Him to finish. Jesus was aware that fasting produces benefits that can’t be gained in any other way! So He rebuked the devil and sent him packing.
Rebuke the devil when he attacks you during your fast. Say, “I renounce you Satan in Jesus’ name!”
Remember what happened in Jesus’ life and ministry after His fast? Immediately He began to do mighty miracles!
John 10:10 says of Satan, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.” Satan wants to steal your break-through–don’t let him!! The enemy does not want you to experience the power, peace, and joy that will come as a result of fasting while seeking God.
Satan is using attacks to DISTRACT you from completing the fast.
“Don’t allow the enemies in your life to cause you to focus more on your appetite or circumstances than on the promises of God that are released when you employ the powerful weapon of fasting.” Jentezen Franklin, Fasting
Satan doesn’t have any new tricks in his bag, so he keeps using the ones that accomplish his dirty work concerning you.
BEWARE! Attacks will come, but greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world!
Please go to facebook and share your story so others will be encouraged in community.
 Are you in a desert of desperation? Then you cannot afford to miss God’s will for your life.
You may feel
- trapped
- pressured
- attacked
- discouraged
- hopeless
If so, you WILL survive ONLY by drawing near to God, and fasting will get you near Him and his life-giving, healing water quickly!
II Chronicles 20 tells the story of Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, who was in a desperate place surrounded by a powerful enemy army. Without God’s help, his people would all be destroyed. What was King J’s response? He proclaimed a fast for all the people–even women and children. What was God’s response? He spoke to His people through a prophet who encouraged them with these words.
“Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s…You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you O Judah and Jerusalem!”
God continued by telling Judah exactly how the enemy would approach and exactly what they should do in response.
The result?
God did the fighting for them and Judah got to collect all the riches from the enemy army. The fighting took one day but it took them three days to collect all the spoil. Let that thought sink in. IT ALL BEGAN WITH A FAST.
Maybe you’re skeptical that God will do this for you. I might be too if I hadn’t experienced it myself. The following is an excerpt from The Beautiful Wife Mentor Guide containing a personal experience I had after fasting for my marriage. Immediately prior to leaving on vacation, I had been on a Daniel fast for 40 days. (for more info about a Daniel fast, read the preceding blogs)
“While on vacation in 2011, I was struggling with a recurring issue
that had plagued my marriage for five years. Addicted to thinking
through my problem, my thoughts were in turmoil and our unity was
deteriorating. One day I felt prompted to take an early morning walk,
and while I was out, the Holy Spirit arrested my tumultuous thoughts.
His words? “Sandy, be still and worship Me.” In other words, turn
to God. Once I was still, He spoke again. “What would you say to
another woman in this position?” I knew the answer immediately—I
would tell her, “Go get help!” In other words, share within community.
When I returned home, I shared my struggle with mentors and
a Christian counselor. While in community, my role in the problem
was revealed and I was able to make much-needed adjustments in
my thoughts and actions, which ultimately increased unity between
Tom and me. Turning to God, understanding your role, and sharing
within community are effective marriage-building tools.”
I truly believe I was able to hear the Holy Spirit’s instruction because I had fasted. I know you will too! I’m now enjoying the life-giving, fruitful riches of increased unity between my husband and I instead of wandering in a desert of desperation.
I want to encourage you to keep seeking God through this fast. Break-through will happen! He will cause streams to run through your desert of desperation.
We’re approaching the second week of our fast and I’m praying and believing you’ve begun to experience more of God’s RICH blessings as you spend increased time in His presence. I felt impressed to send this blog a couple of days early as I sense many of you may need encouragement to continue.
Today I want to share WHY fasting produces break-through so you’re motivated to stay the course. Read and re-read this blog throughout the week-end and coming week–every day if possible!
Fasting breaks the power of your carnal desires or sinful nature which is opposed to God and His Word.
Galatians 5:17 speaks about this.
The old sinful nature loves to do evil, which is just opposite from what the Holy Spirit wants. And the Spirit GIVES us desires that are opposite from what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict.
When you fast, the desires given you by the Holy Spirit get the WINNING EDGE in the fight against sinful desires. Now you have increased capacity to control your words and actions which affect your life and marriage. When your sinful nature is “dethroned”, the fruit of the Spirit rises to POWER in your life. When this happens, barriers WILL shatter and breakthrough will occur because God’s power is AWESOME!
- Imagine being able to “catch” yourself BEFORE uttering a disrespectful word to your husband (Chapter 5, The Beautiful Wife)
- Envision an increased ability to LISTEN to your husband without defending yourself (Chapter 7, The Beautiful Wife)
- Picture yourself CONFRONTING your husband’s sinful behavior in a God-honoring way that captures his attention (Chapter 8, The Beautiful Wife)
Fasting changes man, not God. You will experience increased POWER to make godly CHOICES.
When you are filled to a greater degree with the Holy Spirit’s
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22)
you will experience an increase in supernatural power that shatters barriers in your life FIRST and THEN your marriage. The key to experience this power is fasting. There are some places of God’s will for your life that can only be reached by prayer and fasting.
Many of God’s choicest provisions for His people lie within the area [of prayer and fasting]. –Derek Prince
Your decision to fast is powerful and you WILL see the fruit of it in your life–YOU will experience break-through!
- Journal all you sense the Spirit revealing to you in God’s Word
- Record any thoughts or impressions as you pray
- Write down any verses that “jump” off the page at you
- Spend time thanking God for all that is causing you to depend upon Him
Meditate and think about these things each day. These are God’s POWER words to you and for YOU!
As you celebrate Easter this week-end, may the God of ALL POWER fill you with His love, peace, and joy.
Hallelujah! He is risen!!
Welcome to the Beautiful Womanhood Fasting-for-Your-Marriage Challenge!
I’m so glad you’re here because God has great things in store for YOU!
Once you read and re-read this blog, hop on over to Beautiful Womanhood on Facebook and share your thoughts and journey with others so we can connect and grow together! I’ll be posting videos and questions there for discussion.
OK. Let’s get STARTED!
What is a fast? Before I describe what fasting is, I want to explain what it is not. Fasting is not going without food or particular foods for a certain length of time. That’s dieting. Fasting is removing food or a certain food or drink from your life for a SPIRITUAL purpose. During the fast, time is spent seeking God about your particular struggle(s).
When I was fasting for my marriage, I would
- Read the Bible daily
- Sit quietly with a journal to capture any thoughts or impressions that came to my mind or verses which spoke to me about my situation
- Thank God for all He’d done and was going to do for me
- Pray morning, noon, and night seeking God for the answers to my problems (even if 5 minutes)
In a nutshell, fasting is a time period you set aside to seek God’s knowledge and thoughts about the particular struggles you face. It’s also a time to listen to what He’s saying to you. God is always speaking and fasting “unplugs” our ears and makes us more RECEPTIVE and ATTENTIVE to His words. During this time, try to cut back on entertainment such as TV, movies, and Facebook (except Beautiful Womanhood!) so you have more time to spend with God.
There’s a saying I repeat often: When we do what we can do, God does what we cannot. This describes fasting to a tee! When you remove food from your diet in order to place your attentions more fully on God, God will reward your search with POWER! Luke 4 tells us that Jesus entered the wilderness to fast and He was FULL of the Holy Spirit. When He exited, He returned full of the Holy Spirit’s POWER!
When your fast is over, you will have more of the Holy Spirit’s POWER! You also enjoy more peace and joy because you’ve spent time drawing NEAR to Him. In God’s presence is fullness of joy!
For years I believed that fasting was forcing God to give me the thing I was asking for. I was wrong!
When I’m fasting specifically for my marriage and husband, God reveals
- Words of encouragement
- The Knowledge of Sin in my life
- VERSES that can be used as prayers to pray for my marriage and husband (Record these in The Beautiful Wife Prayer Journal or a journal you have on hand)
When I act on these revelations I’m strengthened with hope, dignity, and BREAKTHROUGH!
DID you know that there are supernatural breakthroughs that can only be released through FASTING! In Matthew 17:20-21, Jesus says nothing is impossible and that faith, prayer and fasting are the KEYS which open the door to impossibility! That’s why Jesus fasted while He walked the earth.
If Jesus needed to fast in order for demons to flee and bodies to be healed, how much more do we need to practice fasting in our marriages?
Are there any difficult, seemingly impossible, events taking place in your life right now?
Together, let’s fast for our BREAKTHROUGH!
 To join in the Fast-for-Your-Marriage Challenge
That’s it!
On the blog, I’ll be giving you HELPFUL information so you can experience all you can from your fast.
On Facebook, we’ll be connecting, sharing, and growing in community with each other.
What can you expect?
BREAKTHROUGH!
Tell your friends, family, and neighbors–they won’t want to miss it!
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Sandy Ralya is a dynamic speaker and critically-acclaimed author of The Beautiful Wife mentoring curriculum. She is also the founder and director of Beautiful Womanhood-- a ministry which equips mentors, encourages wives, and builds community among women.
For more information, visit the Beautiful Womanhood website!
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Last month, we sought God for a break-through in our marriages by participating in the Fast-for-Your-Marriage Challenge and because we did, this month we’ll focus on some much needed self-care. Many of you experienced a period of intense difficulty both during and since the fast so it’s time to take good care of yourself NOW so you can finish the race well!
