On Facebook, I was asked why the responsibility for improving one’s marriage often falls upon the woman’s shoulders. This beautiful woman lamented the fact that her husband didn’t seem to care much. This is an important question!
First off, let me say that it shouldn’t fall solely upon the woman to grow the marriage relationship. Sadly, many men aren’t concerned or connected with God’s ideas about their role within marriage. As a result, Malachi 2:13-14 says,
And this is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
It’s heart wrenching to know that many of you are married to men who have betrayed your loyalty, confidence and trust.
What is a woman to do in this position?
As I see it, you have 3 choices.
- End the marriage.
- Try to manipulate or force change.
- Turn to God for help and direction.
In chapter 1 of The Beautiful Wife, I remind women that ONLY in turning to God and receiving His love will you be able to choose to stay in the marriage as a redeeming force. That’s right. If you choose to stay, your presence places a bigger target on your husband’s back for heaven to aim at! I’ve seen this work.
A woman I know is married to an unbeliever who vowed never to darken the doors of church. She’s endured much heartbreak, pain, and personal sacrifice staying in the relationship and has almost called it quits several times. Recently, he began attending church with her. While she was away on a mission trip, he went to church without her! God can work through you for the purpose of bringing another to or back to Christ and your REWARD will be great in heaven!
It’s one thing to choose to stay in the relationship, but it’s even MORE POWERFUL to grow yourself while in relationship with a treacherous man. Your growth portrays a powerful witness to your husband. Remember 1 Peter?Men are not won over by words!
Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior.
The Bible makes it clear that this even includes men who don’t know Jesus!
If you want to WIN your husband over, you may want to make the first move! If you need helping discovering what moves to make, buy a copy of my book, The Beautiful Wife. In it, I share many of the struggles I endured in my marriage as well as the direction God gave me through His word. When I made first moves according to God’s plan, He performed miracles in my life and marriage and I know He’ll do the same for you!
(If you are in an abusive relationship, SEEK HELP NOW! God does NOT want you harmed by staying in relationship with a wicked man.)
I have never been a religious person ( never set foot inside a
church or synagogue) , but friends have assumed that I was extremely religious and “of faith” because of the respectful way I have carried myself. Unfortunately, women ( religious or not) all
found me boring and predictable so I was out of the game years ago.
I hope that there is some balance there.
Hi Dave, Are you saying that women found you boring because you were respectful toward them? What balance are you looking for? I’m curious!