So many of the emotions I experienced as a young wife were unhealthy and I was completely oblivious to their destructive nature. Anger, fear, guilt, envy, shame and sadness suck the health from your life and marriage whether you realize it or not. I’m continually amazed at the amount of pain humans are willing to live with.
BUT, it need not be so.
If you are willing to look at the source of unhealthy emotions and expose them to the love-light of Jesus Christ, He will exchange your pain for peace and joy! This is not an overnight process but rather a journey one step at a time.
While two of my adult children were making poor choices, I came face to face with guilt and shame. I’d had high hopes for their future with God, but now, weighed down by their disappointing actions, I COWERED in guilt and shame. I wanted to hide.
My pain motivated me to talk to a Christian counselor, and I was encouraged to face my emotions (you’ll need encouragement—this isn’t easy). She helped me discover that I learned as a child to cover up sin rather than risk rejection from exposed failures. As a mother, I repeated this childhood pattern. When my kids participated in sinful behavior, I’d control the damage so as not to risk others’ rejection. When I lacked the control to cover my adult children’s sin, I wanted to hide in shame. Move over, Adam and Eve!
This wasn’t the first time this unhealthy emotion had done it’s dirty work in my life. Shame also kept me from sharing my marriage struggles earlier than I did which prevented me from receiving the help I so desperately needed early on.
God will work THROUGH your emotions if you let Him. If you stop running from them and face them head on, He will be there to comfort, help, and heal you through the process. If I discover that my own sin is the root of my emotions, I confess it. If not, I let it go.
It’s been a POSITIVE experience to uncover and deal with the source of my weighty emotions. I’ve grown stronger. I’m cleansed from sin, enjoying increased freedom, and finding acceptance among the women I talk to.
- Uncover the source of your emotions. If you can’t do it on your own, get the help you need from a friend, mentor, or counselor.
- Move toward your pain. It’s difficult at first, but increased freedom will be the result.
- Allow God to heal you. He’s waiting for you to let Him in.
What unhealthy emotions which have taken up residence in your life threaten your marriage?
So many of the emotions I experienced as a young wife were unhealthy and I was completely oblivious to their destructive nature. Anger, fear, guilt, envy, shame and sadness suck the health from your life and marriage whether you realize it or not. I’m continually amazed at the amount of pain humans are willing to live with.
My husband is on medications, as am I, that drastically lower our sex drive. It doesn’t bother him as much as it does me. I like to have that closeness now and then. He says he doesn’t even think about it anymore. We still cuddle, give each other back rubs, hold hands, do little things for each other, and love each other immensely. I am at peace with the fact that we may never have intercourse again, but is there another way we can show our love in a physical way than the ways we’ve been doing? I am 54, post-menopausal, and he is 45.
Valenchia, It seems you’ve found a number of ways to maintain physical touch with your husband and that is GOOD, but sexual intercourse is a gift from God and the emotional glue that holds couples together. Your desires are not unreasonable. Is your husband willing to discuss is lack of desire with his physician? Maybe a change of medication or natural alternatives to medication would improve his (and your) libido.
I have a big problem with jealousy.
How does jealousy manifest itself in your life, Tami?
My problem in my marriage are my insecurites. Jealousy, frustrtion and anger.
Hi Char,
Have you read chapter 2 in my book, The Beautiful Wife? In it, I share my journey to uncover the source of unhealthy emotions and offer steps to help you do the same.